Many people label certain behavior as verbal (or emotional) abuse: manipulating, shouting, silent treatment, blaming, accusing, judging, criticizing, etc.
But when verbal abuse is seen for what it truly is – the acting out of someone’s pain and fear – and no longer taken personally by the recipient, it ceases to be verbal abuse.
When I realize deeply that another person’s angry opinion has nothing to do with me, and when I realize I don’t share their opinion about me, that I disagree, it stops feeling hurtful. And when it no longer hurts, I am able to see that there’s an stressed or unhappy person standing in front of me. I am able to see a human who is having a painful reaction to something inside their own mind.
Labeling their words as “verbal abusive” doesn’t fit anymore. I no longer see them as a perpetrator, or desire to condemn them for their behavior. All of that gets transmuted into compassion.