Become impeccably aware of your expectations of your partner, expectations of how you should be treated, what your partner should already know to do (and not to do), how he or she should “know better.”
Could it be that you’re as tough on your partner as you are on yourself to somehow know better, do more, be better, act right, etc.? Instead of allowing this toughness to define the culture in your marriage, perhaps now is the season for you to recall your earliest memories of the adults in your life expecting you to know something before you actually learned it, the first time someone expected you to be a mind-reader and anticipate what others want of you before they ask, the first time someone got angry at you for not meeting their expectations of what you ought to do for them. See the dysfunction there, and choose today a new way. In replacing the toughness & hyper-vigilance with gentleness & understanding, you won’t die…you’ll come alive.