When you feel anger coming up in you, let the first mental comment to yourself be, “Oh, isn’t that interesting. There is anger coming up in me.”
Take interest in your anger without judging it harshly in yourself and without stuffing it down or brushing it away, and without acting upon it.
There will be a space created when you take interest in your anger. You’ll have a moment of opportunity to see what bundle of thoughts/perceptions/
assumptions are creating the fear. Fear is always behind anger.
Once you discover in yourself what is really going on, see if you might feel comfortable sharing it with your partner in a way that doesn’t blame her for your feelings, but rather provides her with real information about you, a real insight into your being. This is intimacy.