Wisdom is generated from your own experiences, and how those experiences felt to you. The need for permission or wisdom from outside of you will lessen, as you recover.
Codependents seek wisdom primarily outside of themselves. Of course, we all learn from each other and it is important to do so, but a recovered codependent values her own past experiences and leverages them as her greatest source of wisdom.
You’ll be able to connect with others, when you’re being your most honest self. The shame that convinces us to isolate, hide or omit aspects of ourselves, is actually what creates the feelings of disconnectedness from others. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy and a direct example of how what we believe to be so, we will make so.